Not that it’s terribly interesting or earth shattering, I have an injury in my left ankle, likely the Achilles tendon. Perhaps running 16.5 miles across the last 3 days wasn’t the wisest. I have to take a rest day or so, even though I really wanted to run more. Otherwise, I’m going to make it worse. Maybe I will go do some weights after work. I’ve been wanting to do that. Obviously won’t be doing any squats, though.
This morning I saw lots of people running and had running envy. Why do they get to run and I don’t? Sometimes I wish there were a code or a secret hand signal that says, I am a runner, too! Much like when I am out in public without my son and I want to convey without being weird, I am looking at your child because he’s reminding me of my own.
Exercise, along with probably everything else in life, is a meeting ground between mind and body. My mind and most of my body want to run today, but energy must be spent on healing.
That’s what appealed to me about yoga when I was a more regular yoga participant. The focus is a balance of stretching and rest. The final pose is forced rest. It’s funny, because at the office, I work and then stretch, releasing the tension of working by relaxing with a stretch, whereas the stretching *is* the work in yoga.
I’ve hit many walls, many reasons to rest in the last year as I’ve battled this mood disorder. I have decided I don’t like the phrase mental illness, even if that’s accurate. I like the term mood disorder much better. Makes me feel less, I don’t know, crazy.
Like I said though, hit many walls. I get steamed up, set goals, work through things that need to get done, but then my energy dies out and I must rest. This is not just at work but in daily living. I celebrate the days I wake up before 7, get a shower, and get my son to school by 8:15 like today. Most days the last 4 or so months have not been so successful. I wake up tired and resentful, don’t have time to get cleaned up and presentable, and struggle for school drop off for their 9:00 breakfast. Throw in the occasional temper tantrum or something being lost as we try to get out the door, and all comes unhinged, including my energy store — not to mention my well of patience runs dry.
I know I need to rest. I feel so good right now though. It’s so tempting to look past this pain at the base of my physical connection to the earth and the underpinning of my ability to run. I need self-care today.
Begrudgingly, I will rest.
That’s me, looking out the window today. Missing out.
Thanks for reading.