Underwater

I’ve been living life underwater. It didn’t seem that bad at first, but it’s haunting me now.

When you’re underwater, sounds are distorted, reality is distorted. The pressure of the water supports you but also creates force on your body from every angle. And, for me, it makes me sleepy.

If you ever get diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and you’re prescribed Latuda, just plan to take some time off from work until you know how it will affect you. And hire some help around the house.

I was taking it at breakfast per the instructions to take with food. Then I spent the next 4 or so hours completely zonked out while trying not to be zonked out. At work, I was drinking as much coffee as possible, taking walks, standing at my desk, going outside to let the cold air wake me up. I couldn’t get physically comfortable in my desk chair.

I Googled “Always physically uncomfortable.” I thought, maybe I hate my job? But I felt the same way on the weekend mornings, too.

At work, I yawned in meetings and checked on the clock to see how much longer the meeting would last so I didn’t have to be “on.” On the weekend, I was lying down, falling asleep so easily. Taking the nap my three year old was refusing to take.

Turns out, it was from the Latuda pill I was taking along with Effexor. Because I took it so soon after I woke up, I didn’t realize there was a line of demarcation between feeling sleepy from waking up and feeling sleepy from the medicine, which set in as I should have been waking up.

And I didn’t realize it until YESTERDAY.

Ugh.

Yesterday I was so sleepy I had to leave work and go home to go to sleep. Yesterday I decided I can’t go on like this anymore. Yesterday I realized the stupid pill — which is ridiculously expensive, btw — was causing all this frustration.

I didn’t take the pill this morning. It feels like a window full of fresh air is blowing in my face as I drive my car on a gorgeous spring day. It doesn’t hurt that I went for a 7-mile run yesterday.

The last few weeks, work has suffered, life has suffered, those who love me have suffered. Josef told me he doesn’t want me to stay on this medication, and I don’t blame him.

Looking back, I feel so awful that I didn’t recognize the culprit sooner.

I’ve been living life underwater. And now I’ve come up for air and am ready to rejoin society.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s