I haven’t blogged in a while.
Don’t you hate it when bloggers state the obvious? It’s not difficult to find out how long ago I posted something on here, but the lack of posts was somewhat intentional.
You see, I have been a bit preoccupied. Holding my breath.
I wanted to blog about it sooner, but my heart kept telling me to wait.
I was afraid if I said something sooner, the same thing would happen to me that has happened to countless women, including dear women who are family and friends: it wouldn’t last. I was being overly superstitious.
We finally decided to try to have a baby after lots of years of being together as well as being married, and we had no clue how long it would take. I was fully prepared to have to wait at least a year, and possibly deal with that which I had feared – that I would get pregnant, but I wouldn’t stay pregnant.
Somehow guarding my heart against the surprise that awaited us in September helped me not to get too excited. It wasn’t until the 8 week appointment where Josef and I sat and saw the first ultrasound that my heart started to hope.
I still held my breath a bit and tried to not attach myself to this little life within me until the 12 week appointment. I was on my own at that one, and luckily there was a good ultrasound that day, too. It was amazing to see so much had formed on this little person – it looked MUCH more like a person rather than a gummy bear or a turtle – in four weeks.
We have now passed the halfway point. Today I’m at 21 weeks, and it’s been amazing to go through this experience. Sure, I have to pee a lot because our baby is currently breech and stepping on my bladder all the time, and I have other aches and pains, but there’s something so wildly amazing about this experience.
We found out at our 20 week ultrasound that we are having a little boy. Josef and I will have a son to call our very own. To raise, to instruct, to learn from, to bring us joy. To, we hope, be a big brother to a future sibling. It was a relief to get confirmation that he is healthy, within all the normal ranges as far as his development, and that all looks good!
Reality is finally settling in: I can feel him, our families are thrilled at the thought of his birth in May (as are we!), and we’re officially nesting by getting his room ready.
The outpouring of excitement from our friends has been overwhelming. Everyone we know who is a parent absolutely loves it. It makes it easier as we make this transition to know there are a lot of people in our community (locally and online) that we can ask for advice.
So that’s what I’ve been holding back from posting – this major secret that I knew I would spill were I to try to blog at all. I was holding my breath and preparing for either outcome of finding out the news we were expecting.