Well, I haven’t heard that I got into the show I auditioned for almost three weeks ago. The audition coordinator emailed to say I was not needed for callbacks, but that I was still being considered for a role in the show.

They were supposed to post the cast list by Friday and I have not received any emails from them.

So, I am guessing it didn’t work out. In theatre, they only contact you if the need you, not if they don’t.

Further, I have not heard from my voice teacher. He’s the one who encouraged me to audition to begin with, even going so far as to say my voice was perfect for the lead female in the show — and that during was my first lesson with him!

He helped me prepare for the audition and even selected a song for me to learn especially for the audition. He told me my audition was great vocally, not great in my acting (which I had been concerned about).

I am guessing he’s busy (he teaches classes at the Theatre and is currently rehearsing for a show), but also I wonder if he’s worried about my being upset with not getting cast in the show at all, after all the help he offered.

I have only emailed him once, sometime last week, about rescheduling our lesson that was canceled due to the snow and ice. I then invited him to my a cappella group’s party that was scheduled for last night.

Yesterday morning (Saturday), after not hearing from the audition coordinator at all on Friday, I was growing resigned to the fact that, being email-less, I had not been cast, but I still thought my voice teacher would come to the party last night. He had told me he was definitely coming to the party in that email from last week and had even RSVPed Yes on the Evite.

He didn’t come to the party.

He didn’t say last minute he couldn’t come and he hasn’t written to say sorry, etc.  Maybe he just forgot. But, who knows.

I feel awkward now though. This person who seemed really convinced that I could get in a show and was really encouraging to me about my talent is acting awfully withdrawn.

I don’t want to feel like I am stalking him, but I feel like I am the one who’s going to have to reach out to him at this point if I ever want to have another voice lesson. It’s really awkward. I’m not mad at him, as I think every audition is a learning opportunity. I would still like to take lessons from him. Josef says I should let the voice teacher contact me, especially since I owe my teacher money. Josef also said there are plenty of great voice teachers out there if I never hear from this one again.

This experience with auditioning has felt like love sickness, but it’s not about my voice teacher. I am dying to get back into theatre. I am dying to pour my time and energy into something I know will be rewarding. Being in a show utilizes talents that I don’t get to use every day. I was so looking forward to the possibility of working in this show, in any capacity. I’ve thought about seeking out acting classes and getting professional head shots done. I felt so pumped up about and well-prepared for this audition. Even though I wasn’t sure how the audition went, I still felt like a person the director liked and would want to work with.

My heart feels broken right now because it seems The Music Man (the show, not the voice teacher) doesn’t love me.

My heart is also torn over what to feel when it comes to my singing group. Every time I feel ready to move on, something great happens.

We had a phenomenal party last night. It was a wonderful venue, great crowd, great bar, great food, and great us!

But the rehearsal before, I had busted my butt to learn a song we were supposed to learn for the event last night, but at rehearsal very few people had learned it and in fact the arrangers were still teaching it. Fortunately it all came together and it went well last night, but I just pine after an experience where everyone contributes the same efforts.

At the risk of sounding like a diva, I feel like I’ve outgrown the group I’m in and, at the risk of sounding like a loser, I feel I’m not good enough to join the theatrical experience I crave.

The grass is greener on the other side, I suppose!


One thought on “Argh

  1. I hate those annoying in between phases. The grass will definitely be greener, you’re right! And soon enough this measly audition will be nothing. You’ll have moved on to bigger and better things by then 🙂

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