Ugh. Everything’s too hard this week. And not much is expected of me, so what is up with that??
We got home from our Thanksgiving trip on Sunday, and Josef was ready to decorate for Christmas.
“Can’t we just sit and relax?” I thought. But, of course, I helped. We even went out to shop for garlands, poinsettias, and a wreath. I had a good time. It was good to not be inert.
Josef also wanted to get the laundry done and the kitchen tidied up.
“Can’t we just do that later?” I whined in my head.
So, then Josef went on a work trip. I actually did some more laundry and I am excited about our date night tonight when he returns. But, first I need to clean up my mess from the last few days. Clothes are everywhere. I haven’t bothered to do the dishes, and I somehow used a lot of them even though I only ate two dinners at home the last few days (plus lunch the day the heating and air guy came – geez, he keeps coming up in every post since!).
I went shopping on Monday after work and found a lot of amazing sales at Ann Taylor Loft and regular old Ann Taylor. I also went and got a sassy new haircut yesterday and can’t wait to surprise Josef tonight. (It’s so cute. And it’s still long. And the way it’s cut just may mean my hair will finally be curly like I want it be because it’s not weighed down. Too much about my hair. Time to close the parentheses).
So, given my new wardrobe, a new look, and all the excitement about the holidays, what is WRONG with me that I can’t muster up much energy? It’s not like I am an actor, improvising my life here, and saying, what is my motivation? I have plenty of motivation!
Instead, I am more in the mood for what my college roommate and I called “Wallerin’.” Wallerin’ is a verb, kind of, but it’s really a noun as it’s a state of existence. It’s where you’re sort of vegging. There’s a lot of tv involved, which, if you’re college, you watch tv as you lie in bed, fully clothed and ready to spring into action when your next class rolls along. It’s chosing to be inert.
If you’re in college, you have every excuse to be inert – unless you’re just highly motivated or are student body president or something. Sometimes in college, we would all just waller together. For hours. And it was fine.
Now I want to waller, and I don’t care about my need to waller. It just feels like I need to. I hope I get over it soon. I think this is in reaction to being complacent with the many things I have going for me, but not getting into activities I’d like to be doing – like being in a play, for example – makes me feel blah-ish and waller-ish. It’s a bonafide funk I’m in, but I am sure, sooner rather than later, I will perk up and fly away into all the activities I usually enjoy.
Until then, meh.