We’re going to be very “organic” here

This phrase, when I first learned it, meant to “go with the flow” and “be open to change” in the course of a project or something else in its planning stages within a group.

I feel like this definition is also applying itself to relationships with those in my life. Not so much with me, but with their “organic” loved ones.

Lately, I’ve had several friends break up with boyfriends after dating them for several years. It’s weird to see a couple together for so long (5 years!) and then see a friend at a party – where she brought her sister, not her boyfriend: clue #1 – only to find out they broke up several months ago.

Something shifts in my brain upon finding people broke up. It’s not that I want them to stay together if they’re unhappy; in fact, I’d rather people be happy on their own than miserable together. But, it’s a brain blip akin to finding out that the 14th street bridge has been taken down, and that’s the only way I can figure out how to get to certain areas of midtown, and so my brain has to adjust and settle on the realization that though that connection is gone, there are other means to an end. Be organic, oh mind o’ mine: adapt.

In all of these cases of longterm bliss ending, the guy just didn’t want to get married. My husband and I have had this conversation many times, mostly because we were fortunate to find each other early in life and subsequently shake our heads at the guys (and to be fair, I am sure there are girls) out there who don’t get it that they have a wonderful partner and as such they should see what they have and celebrate it. All of these relationships seemed pretty solid. My husband and I had at one time or another talked about how great these couples were together, and wondered when the engagement would be announced.

Add to that a relationship we witnessed from engagement to wedding (a month after ours) to the husband cheating to the helping her move out to the divorce, all in the span of a year and half, if that. Be organic, heart and mind: adjust.

Add to that the heartache we felt for our dear friend whose wedding was canceled; ironically, we’d just bought plane tickets and were debating about the hotel (should we splurge for a fun night or be economical and stay with friends?). In the mail we received the announcement; I called her to see if she was alright, to be informed that she’d called the wedding off herself. She’s batting for the other team now and she’s much happier. We’re very happy for her, but still, our brains had to be “organic” about it and adjust to the fact that she wasn’t getting married in a few months. (We wound up taking the trip even though the wedding was canceled.)

It’s the wisdom of the words of Ferris Bueller, “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.” No kidding. Be organic, brain, so you can process these changes, as they are bound to come around again.

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