Tonight’s the meeting for all the girls and their parents trying out for cheerleading. In four days, they will be finished trying out. Wow! That’s going to be weird. I dreamed about it a little bit last night. I know that the numbers are not there for every girl to make it, which breaks my heart. There may be girls who don’t make varsity that I coached in jv last year, which would also be hard.
I also didn’t have the best experience with one of the girls I coached last season, and she plans to try out, despite our discouragement that maybe this isn’t the best sport for her. I’ve definitely spoken my piece and said my prayers about that whole situation. I wish for this girl that she will learn how to live in community with others. For whatever reason, she is very selfish and enjoys manipulating the system to her advantage. She’s not honest and her parents don’t seem to control her – in fact, she seems to be controlling them. I know it’s not my business to know the whole story and it’s not my role’s responsibility to try to figure it out, but I can’t help but care for her as a student that I actually know (there are so many of them that I have no idea who they are!).
My a cappella group sings tonight for my church. It’s like worlds colliding a little bit for me. I sang in church choir, and it was a good experience; but Octave, the a cappella group, really started to take up a lot of time, plus I started coaching, so it made sense to drop church choir. It’s also selfishness on my part, and a practice in the act of saying no. If I can’t do it now, will I be able to when I am a parent? So, tonight I’ll be singing with Octave at church, and there will be people there who have only seen me sing while donning a black robe. I think it will be awesome, but it feels sort of like a rivalry. Maybe it’s just my imagination, but it feels like the choir is my ex-boyfriend and Octave is the new boyfriend, even though I technically was “dating” them at the same time for three years. And now, we’ll be at this joint event and here I will be dangling my new boyfriend in front of my old one. It’s not that I dislike my ex-boyfriend. I know, I am totally blowing this out of proportion. But, it makes me laugh as I explain my conflicting feelings.
Why did Octave win out? I can boogie will Octave while I sing – I am freer to be myself. I have more say in this smaller group – I have input in what happens in the relationship. The discipline is there, but there is freedom to experiment – this relationship is not so strict! What made the biggest impact was the realization that on Tuesday nights I was getting to Octave practice early whereas I’d arrive five to fifteen minutes late to church choir practice – I was clearly more excited to be in relationship with Octave. Of course it wins!